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6 Wildly Weird Food Label Fails

6 Wildly Weird Food Label Fails

A bag of chips by any other name may not taste as sweet

Sometimes it's a typo, and sometimes it's just lost in translation.

The proof is, well, on the label. There are some pretty, shall we say, unappetizing food label fails lining the shelves of many a supermarket around the world.

PooPoo Smoothie

Photo Credit: Flickr/asterisktom

You might think only the smallest of food retailers get it wrong, but even big chains like Burger King have overstepped the mark. In China, Burger King had the ingenious idea of naming their newest menu item, “poopoo smoothie”…want to try? Didn't think so.

Child Shredded Meat

Photo Credit:

Maybe we’re missing something; is this meat made of shredded children, or did the children shred the meat? Whichever way you look at it, it's just not right.

Pee Cola

Photo Credit: Flickr/Rebecca

In Ghana, this popular brand of cola actually translates to “very good cola.” Thank goodness.

Only Puke

Photo Credit:

I wonder if the list of ingredients includes “chunks of carrots,” or “last night’s turkey dinner.” Yuck.

Fart Bar

Photo Credit:

We could only take a wild guess at what the side effects of this bubbly chocolate bar might be. Either way, we aren't all too keen to find out.

Pet Sweat

Photo Credit: Flickr/Jackson Boyle

Did you ever come back from a heated game of tennis or a morning run, out of breath and dying for a drink, and think to yourself, “I could really go for some pet sweat right now”? No? We didn’t think so.

It's a quick and agitating story about a human being like the one we have in this tale, that can really bring the blood to a boil, when it comes to stewing over how certain incompetent individuals end up in the positions of power that they do. Seriously, it sounds like it's only a matter of time before John ends up making a fail on such a scale that the company itself suffers a big hit.

The name of the game in this educational Tumblr thread is to not sleep on sleep. Those zzz's are crucial toward maintaining some kind of balance in one's life. With that being said, we clearly live in a society that oftentimes operates at such a fast and competitive pace that actually locking down the proper amount of sleep every night can become a terrible challenge in and of itself. Keep the Tumblr vibes going with this collection of totally random, strange, and on point Tumblr gems.

When Your Fad Diet Fails, And It Probably Will, 'Just Eat'

Food journalist Barry Estabrook talks with diet gurus and sifts through dieting history and the latest nutrition studies. He discovers that unfortunately, these diets don't really work in the long term for most people because they are too strict or require unnatural patterns of eating. Michele Abercrombie/NPR hide caption

Food journalist Barry Estabrook talks with diet gurus and sifts through dieting history and the latest nutrition studies. He discovers that unfortunately, these diets don't really work in the long term for most people because they are too strict or require unnatural patterns of eating.

Updated April 2, 330 p.m. ET

About 45 million Americans go on a diet every year, and we spend about $33 billion on weight-loss products, trying to find a magic way to slim down. But the diet landscape is confusing and the science is contradictory. How do you know which diet works?

Investigative food journalist Barry Estabrook is best known for his 2011 award-winning book, Tomatoland: How Modern Industrial Agriculture Destroyed Our Most Alluring Fruit, and other deep dives into the way our food system works. But when confronted with obesity and maxed out on blood pressure and cholesterol medications, he decided to turn the lens on himself.

In his new book, Just Eat: One Reporter's Quest for a Weight-Loss Regimen That Works, he documents his sometimes funny but very real failures at today's popular diets. Estabrook talks with diet gurus and sifts through dieting history and the latest nutrition studies. He discovers that unfortunately, these diets don't really work in the long term for most people because they are too strict or require unnatural patterns of eating.

Estabrook talked with NPR about how he sorted through the noise and found his own path to better health.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Why did you decide to go on this particular diet journey?

Well, my doctor read me the riot act. He said that I have high blood pressure and high cholesterol levels and he couldn't prescribe more meds. He suggested that if I wanted to improve, I should lose some weight. So I did exactly the wrong thing. I jumped on the diet du jour, which was Whole30 at the time (a 30-day diet that eliminates most grains, sugar, legumes, dairy and processed food). It seemed like everybody I knew was on Whole30. And as might be predicted, I lost 13 pounds over the course of a month and then immediately regained all of them.

I then decided I'm doing exactly what I tell people not to do. I say you should learn everything you can about how your food is produced, what it's doing to you. And I've gone on the Whole30. I gave it no more thought than I do when I buy a bag of yellow onions at the store.

So after I failed at the Whole30 diet, I decided to learn as much as I could about the dieting phenomena and various diets, hoping to find an eating regimen that would actually work for me.

Life Kit

Choose The Best Diet For You

So how did you go about the research?

I started looking at the history of dieting in North America, and we have a really weird, dysfunctional attitude toward food. For most of the country's history, we've been the victims of an unending parade of quack diet experts. And every time people would go on one of these diets, a huge fad would sweep the country, and the designer of the diets would become famous and make millions. And then everyone would find out that it was simply bunk. And the phenomenon is still going on. So that gave me perspective, you know.

I also saw in that historical research that when you boil it down, there really are only three types of diets. And they keep getting recycled every generation or so with a different name and a slightly different gimmick. A guy in the 1850s went on what was almost exactly like the Atkins diet, which is very similar to a paleo diet, which is very similar to a keto diet or the South Beach Diet. They're all the same in that you avoid carbohydrates and you can eat a lot of meat.

On the other hand, about the same time, there was a Presbyterian preacher, Sylvester Graham, who preached just the opposite — low fat, vegetarian, whole grains. [This type of diet] of course, became the Pritikin diet, Dean Ornish's diet and even the [American] Heart Association diet.

And he gave us the graham cracker, of course.

He lived on the graham cracker, but I can't see the good preacher having a s'more. He would be shocked.

It's full of sugar!

Yes. And then, finally, there's a group of diets that really are just basically counting and keeping track of calories and limiting them. That started out in the early part of this century. And now it's like Weight Watchers, Noom, Jenny Craig, those diets where you eat some days and don't eat other days — when you limit your eating to a certain time period each day (intermittent fasting). They're all just tricking you into reducing calories.

You recently tweeted something about why interpreting nutrition information is best left to scientists, not reporters. What do you mean by that?

Well, that's the whole thing. I mean, people say we have different dietary advice every other month. But science is a cumulative process, especially in nutrition science. And it's the weight of all the studies. . It's hard to cover science news.

The Salt

This Diet Is Better For the Planet. But Is It Better For You, Too?

It is. Even though you said all these diets are basically bunk, you did talk in your book about the benefits of incorporating certain elements. Why is that important?

Well, after spending almost three years on probably a dozen diets, the one thing that became clear is that I was just so embarrassingly typical. You lose 5 to 10 percent of your body weight on a diet and then gain it back. Well, I did that about 10 different times. And so then I started to think, "Why is none of this working?"

It dawned on me that I don't eat like a lot of these people. I cannot spend an hour chopping stuff for lunch. Sorry, I don't want to be a total vegetarian. Or, do I want to never eat another piece of good sourdough bread again? It came to me that the problem with diets is, nobody likes being told what or how to eat. And we all have subtly different habits, not only in what we eat but, probably more important, how we eat.

And it dawned on me that [you] shouldn't follow a diet — you should lead a diet. You should look at how you eat now, normally, and find things that you might be able to change or adjust or cut back on. I call them "big sins."

I noticed when I was in Weight Watchers, everybody in my group had a "big sin." Mine was that I drank too much. I was packing on an extra day's worth of calories every week, which isn't too hard to do if you have a couple of real home-sized cocktails a day or big glasses of wine. But you know, [other people in] the group had a real thing for sugary drinks or cookies or pizza. So I was looking into my own eating patterns and seeing where I could cut painlessly and get results.

I found I had to quit drinking, and I really, really cut back on processed carbohydrate products like bread.

And the chips?

You know, I live in the country, and we have a little combination gas station-convenience store-deli, and two or three or four times a week, I would grab a sandwich there and those little bags of chips, not thinking about it. That was like 400 calories for a little bag of Lay's potato chips.

During my vegetarian and vegan phases, I learned some great recipes — a lovely lentil soup, a great ratatouille with not too much fat, chili without the carne. We're eating a lot more vegetable meals. And I'm cutting out those things like potato chips and booze.

I remember when I was out in Loma Linda, California, where the Seventh-day Adventists make up a large percentage of the population and they're largely vegetarian or lacto-ovo vegetarian. A woman there, when I told her I was trying to figure out how their diet worked to give them such longevity, she said to me, "Be mindful." And I thought: "That was my potato chip problem, right?" It was a habit. I think everybody has things like that in their diet they can eliminate without a lot of effort. And also without really changing the way they eat.

But there are some things that are harder, like alcohol.

Yeah. Alcohol is a dirty trickster because you're getting a lot of calories.

And they're not on the label!

Yeah, you don't want to think about how big that pour is when you're sitting at the bar with a glass of wine. But that's just the beginning of it. You're setting yourself up mentally to eat more food. Not just because your willpower has gone, but because alcohol affects your sleep. And if you haven't been sleeping well, you're more liable to eat something you shouldn't. People who drink, studies show, consume 400 more calories on days they drink than days they don't.

I used to think when I went to these cocktail receptions that I would eat a lot because I was nervous. No. Alcohol stimulates hormones that make you think you're hungry. It's insidious in ways that go beyond calories. Same with sugar — a double whammy.

Life Kit

Trust Your Gut: A Beginner's Guide To Intuitive Eating

Did you learn anything interesting about the role of exercise?

It doesn't seem fair, but exercise is not a great way to lose weight. You view it as a mathematical equation. Hey, if I go out and run for an hour, I'll burn 400 calories that will allow me to have 400 more calories. It doesn't work that way.

But, studies have shown that once you've lost the weight, exercise is really important for keeping it off. Your metabolism drops when you lose weight. And one way to raise your metabolism is to exercise.

So I've consciously upped [my exercise routine].

And you've also been able to lose weight and get rid of some of your medications.

I'd been on them since the late '90s — my blood pressure and my cholesterol medicines. Another thing I was told, though, you don't have to lose a whole lot of weight to get good health benefits — just lose 5% of your body weight. And you'll start noticing things like I noticed. Five percent will do it.

Do you think that the lessons you learned also apply to women?

I've had my eyes opened just recently. There's a sexist element [in these diet studies and many diet books], and to be honest, I haven't really looked into that. I mean, Weight Watchers, for instance, has way more women than men. It's very geared to women. But, you know, I'm not sure what you'd say with something like Whole30 — the person who designed that is a woman.

OK, so where do you think we need more information about diet, nutrition, exercise — how all these things intersect?

Contrary to the general impression, I think there's now pretty broad agreement among the top scientists. You know, it's the obvious stuff: Don't eat too much meat, steer clear of simple sugars and processed carbs. Do nothing extreme.

Nutrition is so hard because you can't really do double-blind controlled studies or things like that. They're all epidemiological studies. And that always leaves room for a less-than-satisfying result.

Let the scientists learn all they possibly can about nutrition, and maybe we can make some big progress on Type 2 diabetes and obesity and all these things. But in the meantime, I think there's enough agreement that shouldn't prevent you from doing good stuff and not doing stupid stuff.

What's next for you?

Right now I'm ghostwriting another book with Jacques Pépin. It's six months of work, and it'll give me time to regroup and figure out what's next. I want to cleanse my palate and spend a little more time fishing this summer, canoeing and things.

The 10 Worst Product Fails of All Time

T he larger the company, the greater its capacity for taking risks. While pouring millions of dollars into market research and advertising campaigns can lead to tremendous successes, such ventures can also be a formula for the most miserable failures.

To identify some of the worst product flops of all time, 24/7 Wall St. reviewed products introduced after 1950 by America&rsquos largest companies. To make the list, the company needed to make the Fortune 500 the year the product was released.

Companies often launch new products in response to a competitor&rsquos successful idea. But such products fail if they cannot measure up to the competition or capture consumers&rsquo attention. Microsoft&rsquos Zune was developed in response to successful Apple products. The Zune was harshly reviewed for technical problems consumers had with the device. It also lacked an easy-to-use music store.

Other experiments, such as the McDonald&rsquos Arch Deluxe and Pepsi Crystal, were reinventions of a company&rsquos staple. While there were good reasons to introduce these new products, consumers rejected them almost immediately.

In some cases, companies simply offered a bad product. Frito-Lay&rsquos WOW! chips, for example, were very popular at first but ended up causing such unpleasant gastrointestinal problems that the product became completely unsalvageable.

Some products may have just been ahead of their time. The Newton MessagePad was perhaps the first tablet marketed to consumers, introducing in the early 1990s an idea that became very popular only a decade and a half later. However, Apple had trouble convincing consumers of the value of mobile computing at the time.

These are the worst product flops of all time.

1. Edsel
> Company: Ford
> Year released: 1957
> Revenue yr. released: $4.6 billion

Released on &ldquoE-Day &mdash with &ldquoE&rdquo standing for experimental &mdash the Edsel was Ford&rsquos attempt to offer a higher-end, mid-sized vehicle for consumers looking to upgrade. The car was named after Edsel B. Ford, the company&rsquos former president and Henry Ford&rsquos only son, who died in 1943. The Edsel cost Ford at least $350 million, which in today&rsquos dollars is equal to roughly $2.9 billion. Ford promoted the car aggressively with expensive teaser ads, which may have gone too far in raising consumer expectations. A Teletouch pushbutton transmission and the Edsel&rsquos electronic controls in particular were said to be revolutionary. Unfortunately, the new features were unreliable. The car was also quite expensive, ranging from $2,500 for the Edsel Pacer 4-door sedan to $3,766 for the 2-door convertible. This may have been difficult during a steep economic downturn &mdash sales were down in 1957 for many other car companies, including Buick, Mercury, Dodge, and Pontiac. After four model years Ford stopped producing the Edsel.

2. TouchPad
> Company: Hewlett Packard
> Year released: 2011
> Revenue yr. released: $126.0 billion

Introduced in July 2011, the TouchPad was Hewlett Packard&rsquos attempt to compete with Apple&rsquos iPad. With powerful video capability and impressive processing speeds, the TouchPad was widely anticipated to be among the only products that could give Apple a run for its money. Despite large scale press events and promotions, the HP TouchPad was a colossal failure and was discontinued almost immediately. As a result of the TouchPad&rsquos failure, the company wrote off $885 million in assets and incurred an additional $755 million in costs to wind down its webOS operations, ending all work on the TouchPad&rsquos failed operating system. Since then, HP has continued to struggle to maintain its edge in the PC market. The once-dominant PC company is in the midst of a multi-year turnaround plan. While the plan may have recently begun to bear fruit, investors remain cautious.

3. Crystal Pepsi
> Company: PepsiCo
> Year released: 1992
> Revenue yr. released: $19.8 billion

In 1992, PepsiCo attempted to enter the then-flourishing &ldquonew-age beverages&rdquo market with its clear, caffeine-free Crystal Pepsi. The company promoted the product as a healthy and pure diet beverage. Its $40 million advertising campaign included permission to use Van Halen&rsquos hit song Right Now in TV advertisements. Market tests at the time gave Crystal Pepsi such a positive outlook that Coca-Cola released Tab Clear to compete with it. While sales over the first year were a strong $470 million, many of the purchases were likely due to curiosity. Not only were consumers not convinced by Pepsi&rsquos health angle, but many cola-drinkers expected a darker beverage. Also hurting Crystal Pepsi&rsquos popularity: to many consumers it tasted just like original Pepsi.

4. Clairol Touch of Yogurt Shampoo
> Company: Procter & Gamble
> Year released: 1979
> Revenue yr. released: $8.1 billion

Yogurt and other cultured dairy products may actually be beneficial for your hair. Like many companies, P&G began emphasizing the natural ingredients in its products in the 1970s to answer the overall &ldquoback to nature&rdquo movement of the time. It was common for many shampoos to contain a variety of natural ingredients, including honey, various herbs, and fruits. When Clairol, a subsidiary of P&G, released its Touch of Yogurt Shampoo in 1979, however, customers did not take to associating dairy with a hair product. The product was also confusing to some. There were a number of cases of people mistakenly eating it and getting sick as a result. Surprisingly, Touch of Yogurt was not Clairol&rsquos first failed foray into milk-based hair products &mdash three years earlier it had attempted to market a shampoo called the &ldquoLook of Buttermilk.&rdquo Both sold poorly and are no longer available in the U.S.

5. Coors Rocky Mountain Sparkling Water
> Company: Adolph Coors Company
> Year released: 1990
> Revenue yr. released: $1.8 billion

Coors has advertised its beer as &ldquocold brewed with pure rocky mountain spring water&rdquo for decades. Apparently, this water has been used to brew Coors beer since 1873. In response to a trend towards moderate alcohol consumption and significant growth in the bottled water segment, the company decided to sell spring water &mdash its first nonalcoholic beverage since Prohibition. While the decision benefited from the company&rsquos existing bottling logistics and distribution, the Coors brand didn&rsquot help sell bottled water. Coors Rocky Mountain Sparkling Water used a similar name and label to that of Coors beer, which may have confused and even spooked consumers. Anheuser-Busch, maker of Budweiser, also began criticizing Coors around that time for attributing superior quality to its mountain spring water, which Anheuser-Busch claimed was cut with water from Virginia. Coors cancelled its bottled water trademark in 1997.

6 Mistakes Everyone Makes When Reading A Recipe

I am someone who writes recipes for a living, yet I was never given any formal training in how to properly read or write them. I ended up learning how to read them correctly by reading them so often, picking up tricks here and there from family and friends, and, of course, by making mistakes. I see these same errors often made others&mdashthey're easier to make than you might think.

I want to help you avoid these common mistakes so that you can feel more confident in the kitchen and make more meals and desserts you are proud of. So without further adieu, here are six mistakes I most often see people make while reading recipes. as well as how to read these recipes correctly for better end results.

Not reading through a recipe COMPLETELY.

I'm sure you've heard it before, but reading a recipe through multiple times before ever starting it is extremely important. Reading all the way through before even buying your ingredients is important! It can give you a clearer picture of what you are looking for and what the end result will (or should) be. You may discover that the head of cauliflower that Cheesy Cauli Bread calls for will end up being riced. which probably means you can save yourself some time and some dishes and go ahead and buy already-riced cauliflower. Or you may realize that&mdashgasp!&mdashthat cookie dough has a long chill time before the actual cookie-making part, so, no, you can&rsquot start making them an hour before you plan to serve them.

Reading through a recipe before starting it will also give you the time to look up different techniques or instructions that you may not understand. Do you want to end up like David and Moira, squabbling about what it means to "fold cheese" when you could have already watched your tenth YouTube tutorial and know exactly what it means? Well, maybe, because that is iconic television, but overall, it's a great time saver. Plus, you won't find yourself frantically re-reading a step 20 times while your garlic is burning in the pan.

Not paying attention to where the comma is.

This one happens more than you might think, but where a comma lies (or the lack of a comma!) in a recipe is crucial. "One cup pecans, chopped" is different from "one cup chopped pecans." Read it back again&mdashdo you see the difference?

The comma in this case determines when you are meant to measure out your ingredients. In the former measurement, you should measure out one cup of pecans and then chop them. In the latter, the author of the recipe is expecting you to measure out one cup of already chopped pecans. Most of the time, that comma leads to a small-ish difference. For something like herbs, however, one cup of full parsley leaves versus one cup of chopped parsley can be game-changing.

Forgetting that you're in your own kitchen.

A good recipe developer is going to give you accurate cooking times to the best of their ability, but every single kitchen is different and no one knows your oven and stovetop like you. Every oven heats differently and has weird quirks and hot spots. I know that when a recipe gives me a bake time of eight-to-10 minutes, it is most likely going to only take the eight minutes in my personal oven, but when I'm working in the Delish Test Kitchen, it will very likely take the full 10 (or maybe even 12!) minutes. You should always be prepared to adjust a cook time to fit your appliances and devices. I always recommend setting a timer for earlier than a recipe calls for just to make sure.

Also related? The size of your food. People often fail to realize that the whole chicken they bought for a classic roast chicken is four pounds, but the recipe called for a three-pound chicken! That four-pounder is definitely going to take longer to cook! This also applies to the size of your vegetables or the width of the pan your brownies are poured into. These measurements are so important, but are sometimes left out by the author. Stay vigilant!

Substituting too many ingredients the first time.

This isn't necessarily a recipe-reading problem, but it's still something I see time and time again. Many will leave comments and reviews on a piece stating they used cream instead of milk or left out the onion and used boneless thighs instead of the bone-in ones specified. and they are upset when the recipe didn&rsquot turn out like the picture.

. You're allowed to be upset, of course, but if you substitute more than three items in a recipe, then you have officially changed the recipe. I&rsquod recommend always making the recipe exactly as written the first time around so that you know how it was meant to taste and what the intended texture was. After that, take creative liberties as you wish!

Fast and Easy Raw Flour and Water Paste

This has been my favorite paper mache paste for years. It’s also the paste our friend Dan Reeder uses to make his wonderful dragons and monsters. However, keep reading to see when it might not be the best option for your next project.

Paper mache paste is easy to make, and it doesn’t really need a recipe. The most important tip is to use hot water (from the tap, not boiling) to make a nice smooth paste.

Ingredients for easy paper mache paste:

To make the paste, just pour some white flour in a bowl. Add hot water gradually until you have a consistency that will work well. Mix with a spoon or whisk. If you have one, an immersion blender works great).

How thick should you make your paste? You want it thin enough so it looks more like white glue than pancake batter – although thicker paste will work OK, too, if that’s the way you like it. You really can’t make it wrong.

What kind of flour will work? You’ll need to use all-purpose white flour. Whole-wheat flour makes healthier bread, but it isn’t sticky enough to make good paste.

Make up just enough for one sculpting session. This is good advice for any paste made with wheat flour. Wild yeast is attracted to flour (that’s how sourdough bread is made.)

If the paste is kept over from one session to the next, the yeast will break down the flour and make the paste less sticky (and slightly stinky). It’s best to whip up as much as you need today, throw out any paste that’s left over, and make a new batch tomorrow – or whenever you need some more. (If you need a paste that can be kept for longer periods of time, see the Elmer’s Art Paste, below.)

Be sure to clean the bowl and utensils before the paste has time to dry – it will dry very hard. That’s good for paper mache, but not so good for the person washing the dishes.

Tips: This paste is easy and strong, but it will leave a floury residue on the outside of your sculpture. If you want the last layer of paper to be seen on the finished sculpture, you’ll need one of the clear paste alternatives below.

And if you have a gluten allergy, you’ll want to use one of the gluten-free alternatives.

8 Women Describe Which Sex Positions They Find Terribly Awkward

In an ideal world, every sex position would bring you unparalleled orgasms or, at the very least, not make you feel wildly uncomfortable. But as the Rolling Stones so aptly sang, you can’t always get what you want, which means if you’re having sex, you’ll likely encounter a sex position that makes your insides shrivel up and die. Here, eight women share the sex positions that earn complete fails in their books.

“I have no idea what to do when I’m there! Do I go up and down? Side to side? Do I shimmy? I feel so awkward and unsure of myself that I almost never do it.” —Amanda D., 27

“When I’m in reverse cowgirl, I don’t feel very much, and I’m basically looking at my boyfriend’s feet, which aren’t very sexy. Sometimes I try to turn around a bit because I know that's sexy but also because it’s creepy to just stare at his feet. Since I can barely feel him inside of me, I only know it’s working by the sounds he’s making. Also, I really worry about breaking his penis off. But he loves it, so we soldier on.” —Georgia C., 30

"I'm not sure if this is universal, but what the heck, why is shower sex so difficult? It seems so sexy and obviously works in movies, but come on, it's like a broken hip waiting to happen. It’s too awkward to be worth it to me. How can you relax and enjoy yourself when you're worried about breaking your hip?! But wait, does everyone feel that way?”—Eve K., 26

"This is super popular in porn. It's kind of reverse woman-on-top, but doing an insane yoga bridge/backbend over the person on bottom, so you're pretty much horizontal over them and your heads are next to each other. What the f*ck even is that. I tried it twice, and it didn't work. I mean, a) we're supposed to be having sex, not doing aerial yoga, and b) how am I supposed to keep him in there? I've done it facing the other way, with my head over his feet, which is also tricky and probably not so great for the dude. But it’s much easier to bend forward quickly if there's any discomfort or slippage. The other way, you're screwed in more ways than one." —Carrie S., 28

“I think 69 is awkward, and it doesn’t work. IMHO, it’s just a cop-out way for the guy to avoid actually going down on a girl. And how am I supposed to come with a dick in my mouth? It’s distracting!” —Megan M., 23

“My guy and I decided to give this position a shot. You sit facing each other with your knees bent—their legs should be inside of yours, and you're each kind of propping each other's lower legs up with your forearms. Once we got into the

, we just couldn’t figure it out. The angle was awkward, it was impossible for either of us to move, and we pretty much got trapped in each other’s legs. Not ideal.” —Lindsey L., 22

"I have terrible rhythm, so cowgirl is awkward unless the guy is funny and willing to laugh with me. Sometimes it gets better once I put it out there in the open, but it depends on the guy. Still, I can never get it to work rhythm-wise, no matter how much I like him or how good the chemistry is." —Lara N., 25

“I don't know what to do with my face, because nine times out of 10 it doesn't feel SO amazing that I need to moan. As for my hands, the ‘proper’ placement would be his back, but they have to do something to let him know I'm still alive instead of just lying there. Do I just rub his back? This is sex, not a casual back massage. Do I put them on his butt?! That just feels weird. As I’m thinking about all of this, he's still going at it, thrusting in and out, and it's even more awkward when I look into his eyes. What do I do with my face?! Smiling is way too creepy, so sometimes I let out a fake moan or lean in for a makeout session so we can stop staring at each other. Throughout all of this, I'm trying to roll him off me so we can switch positions.” —Ashley S., age 22

Just Try to Read These Funny Grocery Store Signs Without Cracking a Smile

Next time you run off to the grocery store, check more than just the prices. These cheeky signs prove that even produce can be funny.

The only thing rarer than a dragon egg is a perfectly-ripe avocado. Reddit/korvslask]

The carrot surgeon will see you now. Reddit/mcledger]

Set the unromantic mood with a frozen dinner for one. Reddit/SirYoureMakingAScene]

Wait &mdash so those aren't the real lyrics?! Bored Panda/Viktorija G]

Carb-loading with a meth dealer never sounded so pleasant. Reddit/gowriteasong]

Bring him the potatoes home! Reddit/phelix808]

And it's not going anywhere. Imgur/Frankenbone]

Well, they're not wrong. Reddit/Maclimes]

Did you see the special on protein powder? Reddit/InfiniteThird]

You'll never under-appreciate your glass of red again. Reddit/cheehouse]

Unlike regular dogs, Doge can apparently eat chocolate. Imgur

He's not talking about a lot of bacon &mdash he means all of it. Reddit/TheArmadilloWhisperer]

Italian chefs and Transylvanians will want to stock up.

He lives off your sneezing, eye-watering misery. Imgur/ERmursenary]

But they're still working on an excuse for the rest of the month. Bored Panda/Marion Jansie]

List of soups

This is a list of notable soups. Soups have been made since ancient times.

Some soups are served with large chunks of meat or vegetables left in the liquid, while others are served as a broth. A broth is a flavored liquid usually derived from boiling a type of meat with bone, a spice mix, or a vegetable mix for a period of time in a stock.

A potage is a category of thick soups, stews, or porridges, in some of which meat and vegetables are boiled together with water until they form a thick mush.

Bisques are heavy cream soups traditionally prepared with shellfish, but can be made with any type of seafood or other base ingredients. Cream soups are dairy based soups. Although they may be consumed on their own, or with a meal, the canned, condensed form of cream soup is sometimes used as a quick sauce in a variety of meat and pasta convenience food dishes, such as casseroles. Similar to bisques, chowders are thick soups usually containing some type of starch.

Coulis were originally meat juices, and now are thick purées.

Some soups are served only cold, and other soups can optionally be served cold.

5. Make sure you can audit the record label on royalty payments

Artists often ask me how they can ensure the record label is being honest with them about the total number of albums or tracks sold. Without honest communication and detailed record keeping, the relationship between artist and label can quickly turn contentious. An audit provision is the best way to prevent this type of communication breakdown before it happens.

The typical audit provision gives the artist the ability to hire a third party auditor to go through the record label's books and records and make sure they're paying the artist what he or she is entitled to under the contract. Typically, the artist must pay for this type of audit. However, many audit clauses require that the record label pay for the audit if a large discrepancy is found.

Before signing a record deal, it’s always a good idea to hire qualified legal counsel to review the record label's proposed contract. But with the above tips in mind, you can now at least look at the contract and know whether the label is trying to squeeze every last penny out of your artistic abilities while hanging you out to dry.